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Molly and Trey
1. Great start. These two are immediately in sync. They're both leaning in, and when one person mirrors another's pose, it shows an unconscious desire to be compatible. Plus, Molly's leg is crossed toward Trey, creating an enclosed, private space.
2. Something's changed. Molly's arms are folded, as if Trey has said something that's made her feel uncomfortable. Trey's body language also indicates unease: His hand is below the table, which conveys that he feels cautious and withdrawn.
3. Ah, they're back on track. Both of them are smiling and fiddling with their straws. Fidgeting-with a straw, your wine glass, or a piece of jewelry-is a sign of sexual chemistry. Plus, they're mirroring each other's behavior, which shows intense interest.
4. They're leaning in and sharing a joke. They feel comfortable enough with each other to share personal space. However, they've got their hands covering up parts of their faces, which is another detour; they're putting up physical barriers.
5. A high five conveys camaraderie rather than romance-and from the enthusiastic looks on both their faces, the feeling seems mutual. It's possible that what started off as a physical attraction evolved into friendship once they got to know each other.
Expert's Prediction
Molly and Trey gave off both friendly and sexual signals. Since the best relationships sometimes begin with a foundation of friendship and common interests, these two could have a future. My advice to Molly would be that if Trey doesn't call her after a week or so, she could call and invite him to an event that relates back to their conversation-like a movie the both wanted to see. However, if he makes an excuse not to get together, she should move on.
Molly 27, beauty editor
When Trey first walked in, I noticed how handsome and clean-cut he is. But, I have to admit, I'm most attracted to scruffy, long-haired, musician types. Still, Trey scored points with me when I say how he treated the restaurant staff. Having waited tables myself, I find it a turnoff when men are rude to service staff. Trey made a point of engaging our waiter in conversation.
I was comfortable almost instantly. He was funny and outgoing and reminded me of my male fiends-and I treated him like one, touching his arm and leaning in to whisper a joke. We discussed college, families, and oddly, our lack of musical talent. I laughed when Trey explained that in grammar school, his violin teacher suggested he try the clarinet, his clarinet teacher suggested singing lessons, and his singing teacher told him to play sports.
Yet the more Trey and I talked, the more I realized I couldn't date him. Base on stories he told me about his college days, I sensed that was a hard-partying frat boy, which I don't find attractive.
At the end of the night, I invited him to a barbecue my friend was having that weekend, I didn't want such a cute catch get away, so my plan was to fix him up with a girlfriend. We exchanged numbers, then he found me a cab and we hugged goodbye.
Trey 30, sales rep
Molly was already at the bar with a drink when I got there. I first noticed her Ivory-girl good looks, but when she hopped off her stool, I was surprised by how short she is-no more that five feet. Since I'm 6'2", I usually date tall women. Still, Molly gave me a warm smile, which quickly put me at ease.
We spent about 20 minutes at the bar getting to know each other. Molly really got my sense of humor. I also found her unguarded attitude appealing-we even talked about sex! For example, we discussed Kama Sutra positions-a friend once told me you can download them onto a Palm Pilot.
As the night went on, we both got a little touchy-feely. It felt natural, yet there was no sexual spark with Molly. I need to feel instantly, passionately drawn to a woman-and I just didn't feel that way with Molly. Instead, I thought we could become good friends. When she invited me to her friend's barbecue, I gave her my number-I'm always up for a party. Then I kissed her on the cheek and put her in a cab.
Two Weeks later
Molly: Trey never showed up to the party-and he hasn't called. I was disappointed. I'd invited him to the barbecue to initiate a friendship, and the fact that he didn't even tell me he wasn't coming says he's not interested in being my friend.
Trey: I'd planned to bring an out-of-town buddy to the barbecue, but he got in late and we never made it. Since then, I haven't called Molly. It sounds lame, but I've been so busy with my sister's wedding and a weekend golf tournament that I haven't even thought about calling her.
Monica and Jeff
1. They both look stiff and uncomfortable. There's too much space between them, and they each have their arms below the table. Plus, Monica looks bored-she's leaning away from Jeff and conversation.
2. Jeff seems more relaxed here. His jaw is no longer clenched, and his head is tilted toward Monica, indicating that he's paying full attention to her. Monica's head is also tilted toward Jeff: She's mirroring his pose and closing the distance between them.
3. Monica is unconsciously preening by touching her hair. That and other preening signals (pouting, applying lipstick, adjusting a tie or raking fingers through hair) say, "Notice me-aren't I attractive?" Jeff is looking directly at her, he's totally captivated.
Expert's Prediction
Though both Monica and Jeff appeared awkward and nervous at first, they soon developed a playful rapport. Jeff's body language was not very expressive, but that probably says more about his personality than how he feels about Monica. Her outgoing nature brought him out of his shell. There was a good exchange of talking and listening, and neither one had to fight to get a word in edgewise. These two will see each other again.
Monica 30, marketing exec
I always get nervous before a blind date, but when I met Jeff, I was charmed by how handsome he is. Plus, he was wearing a turtleneck-which I find stylish and sexy.
Once we sat down, we discovered that we had a lot in common. I'm from Maryland, and Jeff went to the U.S. Naval Academy in Annapolis. Plus, Jeff's an editor, and I was a journalism major in college. It was refreshing to be out with a guy who's in the creative field. Most of the men I date work in finance, which I've always found to be dry and boring.
Our conversation flowed so well that our crab cakes got cold. I had such a great time that by then of the night, I expected Jeff to ask for my phone number-and he did. Then we leaned in for a kiss on the cheek and walked off in opposite directions.
Jeff 34, magazine editor
Though she isn't the willowy Gwyneth Paltrow type I normally date, Monica is very pretty. I was especially drawn to her smile and her curvy figure-she wore a sexy sweater that tied in the front.
After some small talk-and a round of cocktails-we both relaxed. As it turned out, we both have low opinions of the public-relations industry. She worked in PR and hated it, and I've had many lousy dates with women who work in PR. The more we talked, the more attracted I was to her.
Halfway through the date, I decided I'd like to see Monica again. I was certain we could be friends, but also felt there was potential for more. So, as we said good-bye on the street, I asked for her business card. Then, since I always kiss a woman on the cheek on a first date, that's exactly what I did.
Two Weeks Later
Monica: Nearly two weeks after dinner with Jeff, I still hadn't heard from him. I was surprised, since we'd had so much fun. When he finally e-mailed me-and said his first note had gone to the wrong address-it all made sense. Since then, we've made plans to meet for drinks.
Jeff: The following week, I e-mailed Monica. When I got no reply, I was disappointed. But then I realized my mistake. I wrote her again, apologizing for the delay, and asked to see her again. I'm looking forward to our second date.
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